HOW IT FEELS TO DATE SOMEONE YOU DON’T LOVE

I convinced myself missing you
was a blanket my tongue forgot to unfold so I could
write poetry as proof I was capable of feeling.

Loving you felt like Stations of the Cross.
Missing you was a prayer I told myself
to ease the fear of dying. I only slept
on the church pews to avoid being
empty a little while longer.

I left church because God couldn’t save me.
I left church because I want to believe in myself.

I said I love you
when what I meant to say was
I’m afraid of being alone.

I said I need you
when what I meant to say was
I need to learn how to love myself.

— Sade Andria Zabala

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